Both of my spouse's brothers ended their lives by suicide. Even decades later I can see that pain and a feeling guilt remain despite the fact she didn't cause their suicides. One died when she was 16 the other when she was 35. Only one left a note.
Depression and other mental health diseases are challenging for not just the person with the disease but also for everyone around them who loves them. I myself have fought with depression for a significant part of my life. The depression made me more vulnerable to Complex PTSD disorder from the work I did as a paramedic and nurse.
My first suicide attempt was at the age of 16 there was another at the age of 19. I have never been one to talk telegraph I was suicidal. The people in my life during those times never even realized that they were suicide attempts even though the first one put me in the hospital. In the years since, there have been far too many times I planned my suicide, written notes to those I cared about to try and help them understand that they were not at fault, that the problem was my brain turned on me, leaving me so exhausted it hurt to even just breathe. I am thankful that during my last major depression, my spouse recognized how serious things had become and took the time to talk to me, to let me know she understood that I didn't have the energy to breathe let alone fight with the insurance company to get me the help I was in desperate need of, and that she would advocate for me since I was not able to advocate for myself at the time.
That simple conversation and the actions she took said more than any words of, "I love you" could even have said. She was able to get the insurance to let me start seeing an out of network specialist in PTSD/trauma since our HMO didn't have any specialists in that field. That literally saved my life. Thankfully it has been over 15 years since I started seeing the correct doctor for my diagnosis and the depression has not come back like that since.
Ensuring a person is getting the appropriate care is essential; there are differences between a therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, and a specialist in specific mental health conditions.
An example of this was while in that deep depression, before my HMO approved my seeing a specialist, they had me seeing a therapist. The therapist recommended I start "shock therapy" because she was at a loss on what to do to treat the depression since it didn't respond to her therapy (she was in over her head as she didn't have the knowledge base to treat complex PTSD disorder). I was in so much pain that I considered this therapy which has some devastating side effects but when I saw it was contraindicated for PTSD, I talked with my spouse about it and that is when she advocated for me to see a specialist qualified to treat that disease. If I had taken the therapists suggestion, it not only would have caused some devastating and often irreversible damage but it also would have exacerbated the PTSD.
Finding the right person for the job was essential as the specialists have been able to help me build resilience, manage the symptoms, as well as engage in trauma processing. I am alive today because of this. My world is so much better today because my spouse advocated for me when I could not do it for myself.
For anyone reading this, don't be afraid to talk about mental health and suicide with those you care about. There is so much stigma, shame, and pain around mental health that people often are afraid to reach out even to those they know love them. We never really know what someone else is thinking or what they are struggling with. It is essential to build into our relationships the ability to communicate about such hard subjects.
The world could use more compassion, empathy, and kindness. When we actively work to develop those things within ourselves, we have the power to change lives. The pain of losing someone to suicide is a lifelong pain. The pain of seriously considering ending ones life by suicide is also painful. Don't be afraid to reach out and talk about these painful things to those you care about, you might just help save a life.
Thank you for broaching such a difficult topic.
Both of my spouse's brothers ended their lives by suicide. Even decades later I can see that pain and a feeling guilt remain despite the fact she didn't cause their suicides. One died when she was 16 the other when she was 35. Only one left a note.
Depression and other mental health diseases are challenging for not just the person with the disease but also for everyone around them who loves them. I myself have fought with depression for a significant part of my life. The depression made me more vulnerable to Complex PTSD disorder from the work I did as a paramedic and nurse.
My first suicide attempt was at the age of 16 there was another at the age of 19. I have never been one to talk telegraph I was suicidal. The people in my life during those times never even realized that they were suicide attempts even though the first one put me in the hospital. In the years since, there have been far too many times I planned my suicide, written notes to those I cared about to try and help them understand that they were not at fault, that the problem was my brain turned on me, leaving me so exhausted it hurt to even just breathe. I am thankful that during my last major depression, my spouse recognized how serious things had become and took the time to talk to me, to let me know she understood that I didn't have the energy to breathe let alone fight with the insurance company to get me the help I was in desperate need of, and that she would advocate for me since I was not able to advocate for myself at the time.
That simple conversation and the actions she took said more than any words of, "I love you" could even have said. She was able to get the insurance to let me start seeing an out of network specialist in PTSD/trauma since our HMO didn't have any specialists in that field. That literally saved my life. Thankfully it has been over 15 years since I started seeing the correct doctor for my diagnosis and the depression has not come back like that since.
Ensuring a person is getting the appropriate care is essential; there are differences between a therapist, psychologist, psychiatrist, and a specialist in specific mental health conditions.
An example of this was while in that deep depression, before my HMO approved my seeing a specialist, they had me seeing a therapist. The therapist recommended I start "shock therapy" because she was at a loss on what to do to treat the depression since it didn't respond to her therapy (she was in over her head as she didn't have the knowledge base to treat complex PTSD disorder). I was in so much pain that I considered this therapy which has some devastating side effects but when I saw it was contraindicated for PTSD, I talked with my spouse about it and that is when she advocated for me to see a specialist qualified to treat that disease. If I had taken the therapists suggestion, it not only would have caused some devastating and often irreversible damage but it also would have exacerbated the PTSD.
Finding the right person for the job was essential as the specialists have been able to help me build resilience, manage the symptoms, as well as engage in trauma processing. I am alive today because of this. My world is so much better today because my spouse advocated for me when I could not do it for myself.
For anyone reading this, don't be afraid to talk about mental health and suicide with those you care about. There is so much stigma, shame, and pain around mental health that people often are afraid to reach out even to those they know love them. We never really know what someone else is thinking or what they are struggling with. It is essential to build into our relationships the ability to communicate about such hard subjects.
The world could use more compassion, empathy, and kindness. When we actively work to develop those things within ourselves, we have the power to change lives. The pain of losing someone to suicide is a lifelong pain. The pain of seriously considering ending ones life by suicide is also painful. Don't be afraid to reach out and talk about these painful things to those you care about, you might just help save a life.
Thanks so much for sharing your story!