Thank you for shining a light on this hypocrisy. This hypocrisy came to light to me when I was quite young, having grown up in an Evangelical white church. It left me feeling that if there was a God, that God hated me so I had no use for any God. For years I wavered between being an Atheist and an Agnostic.
I fell into alcoholism. Twenty one years ago I made the decision to kill myself because I came to the conclusion that my drinking was a slow suicide, I didn't mind that for me, but I also realized it was killing my kids as well. The night I made the decision to buy a gun the next day and follow through with the suicide. In spite of not believing in God, I said a short prayer which I remember clearly today, "God give me the courage to put a gun to my head or show me how to live life without having to drink." I didn't expect that prayer to do anything and certainly didn't expect a reply.
But the next morning, the first thought that came to my head was, "find the piece of paper." That paper was a small scrap of paper a woman had written her phone number on and told me to call her if I felt I had a problem with alcohol. I called her and she introduced me to Alcoholics Anonymous. I found sobriety there despite cringing at the word God in the book of AA. I was thankful I was able to use my own interpretation of a Higher Power and find sobriety, I would have given up if the only choice I had was that God I believed hated me. I believe that was God's reply to my prayer and I know I would not be alive today without that intervention.
I have since learned the difference between religion and spirituality: that one can be religious but not have any spirituality; one can be spiritual but not religious; and one can also be religious and spiritual which I am blessed to have people like this in my life as they have taught me God doesn't hate me. Religion is the practice of traditions and rites in worship of a God, whereas spirituality is seeking a direct connection with one's God. I consider myself spiritual as it is that direct and intimate connection with God which helped me find sobriety and the ability to become the person I am meant to be.
I find irony in the fact it was religious white people who drove me from God yet it was black people who led me back to God. These friends that taught me that people can be both religious and spiritual, happen to be a black couple, he is a Pastor and she was my boss who became my friend. I adore them both and love that they cared enough to be patient with me and allowed me to speak freely about how I felt about the religion I grew up with. They and others, like yourself, have been a blessing in my life.
I still cannot bring myself to go back to church as it still has a bad taste in my mouth due to the hypocrisy I saw there. One of the bigger hypocrisies was having a father who was a deacon in the church and quite active in the church but yet was molesting myself and my three sisters. My oldest sister told the pastor of the church we went to in California and in less than a month my sisters and I were on a plane to a small town in the Midwest where my father had grown up with a population of 3500 people. It is clear to both of us that the pastor told my father what my sister said and he was trying to isolate us and cover up what he had been doing. One doesn't go from a high paying job in the defense industry in the 70's to working in a grocery store in a small town unless there is a good reason for it, that reason was hiding his tracks. Another big hypocrisy I that is even more prominent today is just what you have described here; the white evangelical church selling it's soul for power. It is no wonder their membership has decreased over the years. My father recently told me I was going to hell because of my political beliefs about believing that trump, like everyone, should be held accountable for his actions. If that isn't an example of twisting the Bible on it's head I am not sure what is.
Sorry for the long reply which when I started was meant to say thank you for your essay.
Thank you for shining a light on this hypocrisy. This hypocrisy came to light to me when I was quite young, having grown up in an Evangelical white church. It left me feeling that if there was a God, that God hated me so I had no use for any God. For years I wavered between being an Atheist and an Agnostic.
I fell into alcoholism. Twenty one years ago I made the decision to kill myself because I came to the conclusion that my drinking was a slow suicide, I didn't mind that for me, but I also realized it was killing my kids as well. The night I made the decision to buy a gun the next day and follow through with the suicide. In spite of not believing in God, I said a short prayer which I remember clearly today, "God give me the courage to put a gun to my head or show me how to live life without having to drink." I didn't expect that prayer to do anything and certainly didn't expect a reply.
But the next morning, the first thought that came to my head was, "find the piece of paper." That paper was a small scrap of paper a woman had written her phone number on and told me to call her if I felt I had a problem with alcohol. I called her and she introduced me to Alcoholics Anonymous. I found sobriety there despite cringing at the word God in the book of AA. I was thankful I was able to use my own interpretation of a Higher Power and find sobriety, I would have given up if the only choice I had was that God I believed hated me. I believe that was God's reply to my prayer and I know I would not be alive today without that intervention.
I have since learned the difference between religion and spirituality: that one can be religious but not have any spirituality; one can be spiritual but not religious; and one can also be religious and spiritual which I am blessed to have people like this in my life as they have taught me God doesn't hate me. Religion is the practice of traditions and rites in worship of a God, whereas spirituality is seeking a direct connection with one's God. I consider myself spiritual as it is that direct and intimate connection with God which helped me find sobriety and the ability to become the person I am meant to be.
I find irony in the fact it was religious white people who drove me from God yet it was black people who led me back to God. These friends that taught me that people can be both religious and spiritual, happen to be a black couple, he is a Pastor and she was my boss who became my friend. I adore them both and love that they cared enough to be patient with me and allowed me to speak freely about how I felt about the religion I grew up with. They and others, like yourself, have been a blessing in my life.
I still cannot bring myself to go back to church as it still has a bad taste in my mouth due to the hypocrisy I saw there. One of the bigger hypocrisies was having a father who was a deacon in the church and quite active in the church but yet was molesting myself and my three sisters. My oldest sister told the pastor of the church we went to in California and in less than a month my sisters and I were on a plane to a small town in the Midwest where my father had grown up with a population of 3500 people. It is clear to both of us that the pastor told my father what my sister said and he was trying to isolate us and cover up what he had been doing. One doesn't go from a high paying job in the defense industry in the 70's to working in a grocery store in a small town unless there is a good reason for it, that reason was hiding his tracks. Another big hypocrisy I that is even more prominent today is just what you have described here; the white evangelical church selling it's soul for power. It is no wonder their membership has decreased over the years. My father recently told me I was going to hell because of my political beliefs about believing that trump, like everyone, should be held accountable for his actions. If that isn't an example of twisting the Bible on it's head I am not sure what is.
Sorry for the long reply which when I started was meant to say thank you for your essay.
Judith, thanks as always for your honesty and transparency.