The Wheat and the Chaff

Two people I know and care about have reminded me that there is a certain cost of putting your opinions online.

One person is a former co-worker, a fellow Christian who is kind and gentle with a loving heart and spirit.

The other person is someone I connected to through one of my dearest friends. She is also a Christian, and also kind and gentle with a loving heart and spirit. We’ve only met once in person.

My former coworker has been communicating with me about my social media posts. I knew that we differed politically, but we rarely discussed these differences, focusing most of our conversations about faith and other topics.

But lately, he’s felt the need to respond to my posts. I will credit him with the foresight to respond privately, but otherwise, I can’t commend his comments or the judgement that bolsters his comments.

His comments have ranged from making a misguided attempt at justifying the Confederacy to trying to mitigate or provide an explanation on why my posts are wrong.

I clearly told my friend that I did not want to talk with him about my posts. With others who have pursued similar actions, I have quickly unfriended and blocked them because their public and/or private comments were inflammatory.

His comments have not been inflammatory in words, but the fact that he feels it necessary to disagree with me is in itself inflammatory.

One piece of advice I would give White friends and acquaintances about engaging Black people when discussing anything – race, politics, or mowing the lawn, is telling them to remember that our lives are so difficult we don’t and won’t ever take negation well.

By negation, I mean negation of our life experiences and perspectives. We aren’t right about everything, but we know what we’ve lived, what we seen, heard, and felt.

Very few White people, living or dead, have experienced legitimate race-based prejudice.

Every Person of Color, whether they are Black-, Brown-, Red-, or Yellow-hued, have experienced race-based prejudice.

There will never be a moment in life when we need White people to explain the errors of our perspective.

The day will never come when White people are justified in negating the daily racism we experience by claiming similar experiences, arguing that racism doesn’t exist, or claiming that racism is not systemic and pervasive.

No White person will ever be told that they all know each other, which is what a White person told me when I was 13 years old.

No White person is likely to have someone draw an unflattering caricature of them on a college blackboard, which happened to me when I was a freshman in college.

No White is likely to find spittle on their back left by the same person who drew the unflattering caricature.

No White person alive is unable to trace their ancestry because their ancestors were brought to a country in slave ships.

No White person has had to live in a country where separate and unequal was the rule and practice of law.

My online friend has become a friend because she engaged with my posts by understanding that she can’t fully understand my experiences but knowing and desiring to be an ally.

She has a wealth and depth of compassion that people who have known me personally for many years have failed to show.

Her insights and understanding are leagues apart from people who told me for years they loved and cared for me, only to attack me when I shared opposing viewpoints.

As my friend has begun to share her political opinions, she has been met with love and understanding from some, but she has also encountered meanness and intolerance.

She has been told that she “needs to check her facts before she posts.”

She has been unfriended and blocked.

Some friends aren’t really friends.

People who you’ve never or rarely met can become strong friends and allies.

There are no easy rules to determine the difference between the people who you always connect with or people you connect with on surface levels or only for a season.

My former coworker will remain connected to me via LinkedIn, but not on other forms of social media. I told him I did not want to have these discussions with him, and he persisted, so our contact will be limited.

My other friend is one I hope to get to know more. She is someone who enhances my life, not detracts from it.

Sharing online content has cemented in my spirit that every life has wheat people and chaff people.

Wheat people are people who seek understanding and clarity without negating your life experiences.

Wheat people remind you that there is good in the world.

Wheat people may belong to your race or a different race.

They may share your faith, another faith, or none at all.

Wheat people seek to know and be known by you.

Chaff people are people who meet and get to know you but are threatened by your life experiences.

If your experiences clash with their beliefs, they are either offended, or they seek to change your perspective rather than attempting to gain understanding.

Your thinking must align with their thinking, or you are misguided.

Or worse, a threat.

Every life will have a measure of wheat people and chaff people.

And times like these will make it easy to know the differences between the two and make necessary separations.