The Bear and I

I finished reading an interview with Harvey Weinstein, the disgraced former Hollywood producer.

He is responsible for the founding of the Me-Too movement who sexually assaulted and harassed numerous women.

During the interview, he was unrepented and uncowed.

His problems are mostly the women’s fault.

He said he was too aggressive in his pursuit of women but never assaulted them.

He admits he was wrong for cheating on his wife but said he didn’t commit the crimes for which he was convicted and will die in prison.

He said they were after his money and wanted notoriety.

He said he’ll be proven innocent.

I closed the magazine and thought about the infamous online hypothetical asking women to choose who they’d rather be alone with in the woods: a strange man or a wild bear.

Most women choose the bear.

That speaks to the danger and savagery of men.

Christian Nationalist ministers and bro-tech incels are saying that women should shut up, have their voting rights taken away from them, and be confined to their homes.

Women are assaulted, and it’s their fault.

Their clothing is immodest.

Their behavior is too suggestive.

They’re not meek and demure.

Women are too mouthy, too independent, and too strong willed.

They require domination and control.

Men must take the upper hand and convince them their subjugation would make them happier and more fulfilled.

As a Black man, I can’t help but notice that the same men who proffer these idiocies are the same ones who believe that Black people were happier and better situated during slavery.

Parallel prejudices running along parallel tracks.

But I digress.

Yes, there are many good and decent men.

When women are railing against the misogyny and sexism they face, we men are quick to cry out:

“Not me!”

Both men and women would be better off if we didn’t rise to our own defense but listened.

Listened, learned, and didn’t feel threatened by the truth.

Men are the problem.

Men will be the solution.

It’s not up to women to solve a problem they didn’t create.

They don’t want to be subjugated.

They don’t want to be raped and assaulted.

They don’t want to be stereotyped and devalued.

They want to be judged by the content of their character, not their gender.

Men are the problem.

We treat women too casually.

We have allowed thousands of years of sexist thinking to poison our psychology and philosophy.

We automatically limited what women should and shouldn’t do.

What they can and can’t accomplish.

Men want women to bend to our will.

We want them obedient and compliant.

We want them to be tarts for us and nuns for other men.

We want them to be responsive to our needs while we leave their needs unmet.

Most men are not rapists or misogynists, but all men can and should do better.

Early in our relationship, I told my wife I wanted to become an expert on her – who she is, who she was, and who she wants to become.

I’ve amended that to wanting to earn a PhD in knowing her.

More importantly, I not only want to know and understand her, but I also want to use the knowledge I’ve gained to benefit her personally and enhance our relationship.

I’m not a savage beast.

I’m not a misogynist.

I’m not an abuser.

I’m not an adulterer.

I have made and do make mistakes.

I have been too careless with women’s hearts.

I have been too concerned with my wellbeing that I have sometimes neglected the wellbeing of women.

I have been selfish and neglectful.

I want and need to do better.

For the sake of my wife, who has to put up with my nonsense.

For the sake of my daughter.

For the sake of my two sisters.

For the sake of my female friends, acquaintances, and coworkers.

For the sake of women that I will cross paths with, and women I will never meet.

For the memory of my mother, who was a wonderful woman who like most of her generation loved well but suffered much.

I want to be the kind of man that a woman would prefer to be with her in the woods over a bear.