Poking The Bear

Discussing the latest social media argument and looking in the mirror.

The raging social media argument is uncomfortable to talk about.

Let’s talk about it anyway.

The debate started on TikTok when women were asked if they would rather be alone in the woods with a man or a bear.

Many men have been surprised that most women would prefer to be alone with the bear.

Why would women prefer to be alone with a bear?

Some of the answers given:

· “The worst thing the bear can do is kill me.”

· “The bear doesn’t get enjoyment out of it.”

· “The bear sees me as a human being.”

Naturally, a number of men have responded with rage and perplexity.

Men shouldn’t be surprised.

Women know how men think and act.

Men know how we think and act.

Almost every woman, regardless of age, race, or social status has dealt with unsafe men.

Men who were manipulative or controlling.

Men who were physically and emotionally abusive.

Men who physically and sexually assaulted them.

While women’s issues with men are more transparent, our treatment of women has not improved enough.

One of the reasons the treatment of women fails to improve is too many men believe their treatment of women is better than it is, believe that they are not the problem, and leave little or no room for introspection and improvement.

That includes me.

I’d like to think of myself as enlightened.

I like to think of myself as someone who tries hard to be encouraging and supportive of women.

Generally, I think that’s true.

I’m not a man that women have to worry about sexually or physically abusing them.

But as much as I hate to admit it, I’m still not safe.

I’ve said and done hurtful things to women.

Made jokes were unkind and inappropriate.

And I constantly struggle with navigating social media in an appropriate manner.

I worry about my social media interactions with women.

I ask myself:

·       Am I liking too many posts?

·       Do I give off a creepy vibe?

·       Are my comments encouraging and supportive, or am I being perceived as condescending and inappropriate?

Some people will think me silly for such introspection, but I do so with sound reasoning.

I know that men are often callous and cavalier in their attitudes towards women. The “why don’t you smile more?” comments. The “you know, you would look so much prettier if you did so and so” comments. Men commenting on a woman’s age or weight is rude and disrespectful.

I have a wife of twenty years.

I have a daughter.

I have two sisters and sisters-in-law.

I have a number of female friends.

The women that are closest to me are not immune from ill treatment.

I can’t complain about how they are treated if I am guilty of the same offenses.

Some will think that I’m being too soft or woke.

I don’t care what they think.

I know I will always be a work in progress.

Becoming progressively better, not progressively worse.